We heard the others coming back, and Alex undid the rope, kindly massaging my wrists in case they hurt. As we went back down the stage, he handed me my clothes. I ignored him and kept on walking towards the guys.
“I don’t need them” was all I said on the subject.
Instead of sitting back in my chair I decided, without even thinking about it, to sit on Ari’s lap with my hands against his chiselled chest. I had never, ever sat on anyone’s lap, not even Alex’s. He and all the guys reacted to the gesture with silent awkwardness, but decided not to mention anything, and we kept on talking about the play as if nothing strange was going on. At first I felt my friend’s muscles to be tense, and for him to be reserved, but after a few minutes went by, he wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me against him. It felt amazing. My casual guy friend had me sitting on his lap, naked, my bare butt touching him, and he held me as a boyfriend would hold his girlfriend.
“You’re still pretty good with sub-machine guns” he said as we conversed like always about our online video game duels. It was always about comparing statistics, how powerful a weapon was compared to another one, how better we were than the other… That sort of conversation used to make me feel as manly as Ari. After all, all that would come out of my mouth would be the typical testosterone, gun blazing Michael Bay-ish speech of the typical young man. But now, I felt in no way defeminized, I felt in no way robbed of my femininity. There was no more pretending I was as harsh and strong as him. The truth that I was more vulnerable and fragile was there for all to see. As time went by, I sat on the lap of each and every one of my friends, and the feeling changed not. Even with Liang or Sodden; guys by no means devoid of virility but more nerdy than confident; even with them, I felt protected. They felt like men, and I like a woman, and nothing could make me forget that, when my nudity was held by their clothed strength.
I felt so slutty. Every single one of my guy friends enjoyed me sitting on their laps, my breasts right in their faces as I flirtatiously played with their hair or stroked the back of their necks… Most girls would do that only with their boyfriends, and even then, boyfriends they had been dating for a long enough amount of time. I, on the other hand, was sharing this intimacy of mine with seven guys who were but my buddies. When sitting on Hugo’s lap, the latter’s nose brushed my boobs for a split second. I preferred not mentioning it. When sexual tension would be at it’s apex as it was now, awkwardness would become a fun variable. That’s how great the transformative power of this sort of slutty demeanour was, it could transform awkwardness, this feared, reviled emotion, into something one would pray for. I looked down to Hugo, and savoured how manly he felt, holding me this way. I could not process the fact that I usually ordered him around. The very idea felt strange when I was naked for him this way. I couldn’t even imagine giving him any orders or scolding him. He felt too strong, and I, to fragile for that to be conceivable.
Having shared my nude proximity with the rest of the boys, I ended the circle by doing the same with Alex. He was the most direct, caressing my bare back and shoulders with his hands always at an atom’s distance of my breasts. To my pleasure though, his hands went down, and began stroking my legs. It felt amazing, so much so that, after a while, I couldn’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around his neck, and hugging him.
By hugging, I do mean crushing my entire body against him. My eyes were closed, but I could tell by the sudden silence in the Quarters that everybody had stopped to look at what I was doing. I didn’t care. I tightened myself against his clothed body. I wanted him to feel my skin against his. Though I believed this hug couldn’t get more intimate, he wrapped his arms around me, and tightened me unto him even further. I felt a gentle kiss on my neck. As I ended the embrace, I moved my leg a little further into his crotch, and there I felt hardness, stone like hardness. I couldn’t blame him, not with my own solid nipples that almost grazed against his face. It was the first time I had ever hugged someone when wearing nothing.
Eventually the day ended. Though I had not planned for it be spent nude, it ended up being so to my great joy. What had been planned though, was for us to hang out at Alex’s place in the evening, and so we did. Beers were brought, chips were served, and both the TV and conversations were on. It was just another casual evening for our gang. Initially, I was participating in a conversation with Ari and Hugo about the properties of wine. They seemed not too literate on the subject, though I was comparing them to myself, one with Spanish roots where wine was as common as water. As the sun lowered, though, I began finding myself bored. The guys clearly enjoyed all that talking and chilling out. I, on the other hand, was again feeling this old boredom of mine. How could I find this all interesting, I thought? A few hours prior, I had been totally naked, tied up, sweaty, I had been indulging in madness, in the wild. Now, the usual had come back to chain me. I was boringly clothed, and worst of all, boringly acting as if I was just one of the guys.
Well I wasn’t one of them. Nor could I keep acting like it. Alex’s words rang in my mind. “If I could have it my way, you would be forbidden to wear clothes.” In other words, I would always be naked. Always…
Even outside of acting class. That’s what the words meant. I thought about it. Dancing naked for Alex in his very house had felt incredible. Now I found myself in that same place again, only with seven guys around me instead of just one. Could I truly do this? A great amount of guilt began building up inside of me. If I shed my clothes in college, it was because of the play. It was for art. Doing it outside of acting class in such a casual setting would strip that away from me.
I scoffed. Even within acting class, I wasn’t doing it for the play. I wasn’t doing it for “art.” Art was about effort, talent, challenge. Me shaking my ass on all fours in an improv skit was objectification, not art. I had already started acting like a slut. Whatever decency I had was already lost. Why not just let my instincts drive me forward, then? After taking a long breath, I scrounged up the courage to speak.
“Guys. I wanna ask you something.”
“No I’m not lending you my laptop” Chris quickly declared.
“Not that, idiot” I laughed. “No, I wanna ask you guys something else…”
They waited for more, but my shyness kept the words from coming out.
“Well go on, what is it?” Issa asked, confused. None of them seemed to guess what I was about to say.
“You know, I was thinking about…about me being naked. I know we all really enjoy it, I mean, I feel super comfortable being nude around you guys, and I don’t need to guess that you like it too. Of course I’ve been doing it for the play, but we’re not gonna act like we don’t enjoy it on a basic level too… So I was thinking, if you guys are ok with it… If maybe I could be naked outside of school too, sometimes. We won’t even need to mention it, we’ll just chill out like we do all the time. I’ll just be naked.” There was only silence, and seven stares weighing on me awkwardly. “I just think it’ll be more fun that way.”
Finally, Liang broke the silence.
“I think so too.”
And his approval was followed by that of all the rest of the gang, with happy nods and hungry smirks. Not waiting any longer, I got up and undid my hair tie.
“Let’s start now then!” I joyfully declared, removing every one of those boring, suffocating clothes. My skin felt all the air around me, like a breath finally taken after minutes of being strangled. I threw away my socks and sat down again, completely naked. We went back to casually conversing, but this time, everyone could feel that the energy was far more electric and fun. Everything felt more alive, and so did I. What a slut I was acting like… Now no more excuses could be made to try and defend my honour. As long as I would have kept my nakedness within the confines of the Quarter, I could’ve used the play as an excuse. Now, there was none. And I didn’t care. My guy friends were enjoying the sight of my tits, legs, back, feet, all of it, and I enjoyed how alone I was in my nudity. Chris and I began playing a game of chess without mentioning my lack of clothes, though I did everything in my power to distract him; crossing my legs so one would sit on top of the other in the most feminine of ways, as well as bringing out my breasts as Sarah had shown me how to. The poor boy tried desperately to play, but his eyes could not keep away from my legs and chest for longer than a few instants. And thus the evening went by, and as far as I knew, it was starting to be the most entertaining hangout we ever had.
That evening passed, and so did others, until the weekend finally came. To my absolute joy, I was finally spending time with Isabel after so many days of having her almost separated from me. We saw a typical romantic comedy, old fashioned and tailored to manipulate me into crying a few times. Thankfully, my big sis was there to wipe my tears, and by the time we were leaving the projection screen, I was laughing again at the countless shitty jokes she pulled out of her joke book.
“How about this one? How did I leave Iraq? I ran.”
“This is so fucking bad!” I laughed.
“Alright, I’m leaving this shit away for now, hah!”
We found seats in the arcade game section of the cinema.
“Ah god, feels good to rest my legs” I said.
“You’ve just been sitting for two hours you lazy pig”
“I don’t care, I have shitty legs. They’re can’t even get me to walk for too long before I start bitching.”
“They might be shitty but at least they look great.”
I turned to her, unsure of what to say. Complimenting one another was nothing new to us, Isabel was a beautiful girl and the guys seemed to agree that I was relatively hot, and we never had felt any shame in praising each others tits and asses. But whenever we did, we did it with so much lightness in our voices that not a single word could be taken too seriously. Isabel’s comments about my legs were spoken with utmost gravity, and that same seriousness was in her facial expression.
“Thanks…” I muttered, trying to remain happy looking. “Why, do you spend a lot of time looking at them?”
“You’re the one who spends a lot of time showing everything.”
I froze. Fuck. We had spent the whole day without mentioning…that. Why did she have to start?
“You know, Sarah told me she’s considering having another kid.”
“Don’t change the subject Jade. I was talking about your behaviour.”
“What behaviour?”
“Don’t start acting stupid with me. Listen, I really wanted us to have a fun day, but we HAVE to talk about this. I’m getting very worried about you. You’re getting worse.”
“Oh come on, it’s not like I have a sickness either.”
“No, but you have a very, very harmful attitude that’s starting to get worse. I was all up for you rehearsing one last time in May and then doing the play, and even then, I was VERY unhappy but at least I went with it. But now, you’re just pushing the boundary of what’s acceptable. You’re not doing it for the play anymore, everyone in the class knows it now.”
“I don’t care what the other girls think about me.”
“No but you should care about your dignity. For fuck’s sake Jade, do I really have to tell you what’s wrong with your behaviour? We’ve been talking about the sexualization of women for two years now!”
“I know…”
“Then why do you keep doing it?! You know damn well there’s a problem with society and you willingly inflict it on yourself with no problem at all! In fact forget my question, I know why you do it. It’s because you enjoy it.”
My face went white.
“I…no I don’t, it’s just…”
“Stop it, everyone can see how hard your nipples are when those perverts are fondling you.”
“They’re not fondling me Isabel.”
“They might as well! You’re fucking sitting naked on their laps like some hooker from the corner of the street! And even then, these women want something in return! What do YOU get in return from that?”
I sighed.
“Well you said it yourself. Enjoyment. I get enjoyment out of it. What’s wrong if I like it?”
“What’s wrong?! Jade, I’ve known girls who were called sluts for sending one or two selfies to classmates. THAT is not even a MILLIONTH of what you’re doing in this class! It’s slutty Jade, it’s sluttier than anything I’ve ever seen!” Isabel stopped in the middle of her scolding me. She just noticed the tears that were appearing in my eyes. “What’s is it?” she asked, suddenly sweeter.
“What is it?! Fuck, you’ve never talked to me like that! You’re calling me a fucking slut!”
“I’m not calling you a slut, I’m saying…I’m saying that what you’re doing is slutty.”
“Forgive me if I’m not smart enough to see the difference.”
“Alright, alright,” she whispered, hugging me. “Forget it, you’re right. Slut is a misogynistic word. Women should have the right to have their sexuality without any shame, that’s what feminists, female and male both fought for. That’s not what makes me mad, Jade.”
“Really? Because if I started fucking a different guy every night, I think you’d be mad at me.”
“Do you want me to be completely honest? I’d rather have you do one night stands all the time. At least it would be better than this.”
My mouth couldn’t have been gaping wider.
“Better than this? The most I ever did was sit on their laps and hug them when I was naked! How does that even compare to straight up having sex with someone?”
“It doesn’t compare, it’s worse. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping with as many guys as you want, not my cup of tea, sure, but more power to you if you want to. There’s nothing wrong with it because you’re on perfectly equal terms when doing so, you’re having as much fun as he is and you’re sharing the same level of intimacy. You on the other hand? It’s sexism, pure sexism. You’re just being objectified! There’s not a hint of equality there, the guys are clothed, the guys are sitting down, having fun, and you’re the only one naked, dancing and posing for them and sitting on their laps… It’s a completely one way thing! The woman’s completely disadvantaged while the men are having all the fun in the world! How can you not be disgusted by that?!” Because that’s the very reason I’m enjoying it, I wished I had the courage to say. “Just think about it in terms of clothing. Clothing has always been a proof of power in society. You know who were the ones not wearing clothes back in ancient times? Slaves, prisoners, all that bunch! Sarah keeps saying the play is a microcosm of womanhood versus manhood. Well fuck me then! That means that YOU represent women, and it just so happens that the woman is the only one sexualised and naked.”
“But you can argue that it celebrates female sexuality, what’s wrong with that?”
The title is bad. Replace the word slut with exhibitionist. – Skyler B.
Don’t usually read smut but this story is actually really enjoyable